


Show me how to let go

by Imaed



Series: Educational [4]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Backstory, Confession, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, M/M, Much more angst than planned, Past Abuse, Scott's dad - Freeform, Slow Build, Stiles-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-20 10:27:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8245699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imaed/pseuds/Imaed
Summary: Some truth are hard to tell, some are harder to accept. In the end, ingnoring the problem is not the healthiest solution, but it sure is efficient.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Twice now I used a title from a Great Big World's song. Eh, it's probably a good sign... Good news is I have plenty of title for the next chapter.  
> By the way ... this fic grew a plot... What? It was just supposed to be a light story about how Stiles can be a bit stubborn about women's right... We are now journeying in his deny. So much more angst than initially planned. Also where is this plot coming from?
> 
> I wrote it straight throught so sorry about all the mistakes.
> 
> Hope you will enjoy it :)

“Soooo” Scott started awkwardly. 

Stiles sighted and stopped the game. This was going to be unpleasant.

“So what?” he asked, trying his best not to be upset.

Scott could see it was not really successful. He thought about postponing this talk but it probably because he had done so that the situation was so complicated now.

“You‘re not fighting Derek anymore?”

“Nop”

Well, it was a good start if any.

“And apparently your dad know about him”

“Yep”

So far so good.

“And he is ok with it ? I mean, Derek is old.”

“Not my boyfriend”

Scott snorted, quite unattractively. It was the most stupid thing he had heard in a while out of his best friend mouth. 

“You keep saying that if it makes you feel better yeah” he mocked while putting the controller on the ground. He would not use it more tonight, if he interpreted Stiles’ expression right.

“What is it supposed to mean? “Asked his best friend almost aggressively. 

“Dude I’m almost sure that you spend more time with him than with any other person on this town. To an extend that, me, your best friend, has been stand up of our gaming night three nights in a row because you wanted to spend time with him doing whatever the two of you are doing”

“I didn’t stand you up. You were the one who wanted to spend the time with Allison”

“I really did not. I have not seen Allison in two weeks now. She wants some space. I told you that.” He had admittedly messed up a lot during the Allison debacle, but this was not on him. Not only on him anyway.

“Please, Allison wants as much space from you than Captain America wants space from Bucky”

“Or you and Derek” added ironically Scott.

“It’s different” answered Stiles stubbornly. “Besides, what is it with every one lately? Am I suddenly the only person here who doesn’t want to talk about it? Lydia is been bugging me with my apparent incapacity to talk about my feelings, Dad is so supportive of my alleged relationship with Derek it’s almost creepy and you are being wholly insisting that I accept something that is not here. Let it go man!”

“Is that why you have been avoiding her?”

“I am not avoiding anyone” denied Stiles. Which was kind of stupid when last period he had literally run from class to avoid her in the hall. Scott would have swear he has saw the small cartoonish cloud trailing his path. 

“Okayyy, if you say so”

“Stop it” warned his best friend.

“I didn’t say anything” defended Scott.

“I am not in deny!”

“You kind of are”

“That’s it, I’m done. See you tomorrow.”

The controller sat sadly on his own while the sheriff’ son was, once again, running from a conversation.  
~  
He was going around in circles in his room when he heard the window opened. 

“If you are here to annoy me too, you can go back to your place” he said as nastily as he could.

When nobody answered, Stiles turned around and stared at the newcomer. Derek was stopped on the window frame, hesitation clear on his face.

The sheriff’ son sighted and tried to relax. It was, admittedly not Derek’s fault if every one else he knew was being stubborn about this. 

“Don’t stay in the middle, come in or go” he tried more nicely. Even he could admit it was not a huge success. 

It was almost comical how their parts had been mirrored. Stiles used to be the one afraid and Derek the one with anger issues. It was also really sad.

“Did something happened?” asked Derek very quietly. 

Suddenly, seeing how the wolf was entering prudently in his room, the teenager felt really ashamed of his outburst. 

“I’m fine” he said, succeeding in calming down this time. “Just, I’m probably not the best company tonight.”

Derek’s eyebrow did a marvelous thing, making his all face appearing skeptical. It was a piece of art, really. 

“We could watch this movie you have been talking about last time” he proposed.

“I will probably talk during it”

“It’s okay” answered the wolf, shrugging. “It’s not like you are usually quiet” he added more playfully. 

They put it on Stiles computer and sat on his bed, shoulder to shoulder. It was a nice movie but the teen could not focus on it. His mind was going a hundred miles a minute, thinking about all the upsetting talks he had had lately. And hell, he could understand why Lydia was being pushy about it, but his dad and Scott knew him better than that. They knew it was useless to just talk about things he didn’t want to talk. 

He glanced at his guest. Derek was immobile, watching the movie as still as a statue. He was not too tensed though, not like when they started this… whatever it was. Not ready to bolt at the first sign of threat. Like he was expecting danger to come here, in Stiles’ room. Or maybe he was expecting Stiles to be a danger? And wasn’t that thought ridiculous?

“You are thinking too much” rumbled the wolf.

It was not an accusation, just an observation.

“Lots on my mind” he answered as frankly as he could.

“I had gathered that much”

“Don’t want to talk about it” the teen added, just a bit on defensive.

Once again, the wolf shrugged, unbothered, he was miraculously still watching the movie.

“Not asking you to” he said. 

There was a welcoming silence following that statement. Stiles started to relax. Derek’s shoulder felt so warm against his. He could almost fall asleep on it. 

“Might help you see through it though.”

“I don’t want to see through it” he answered, sleepy and too honest.

“Okay”

Stiles closed his eyes and let his head fall on the wall. It was not the most comfortable, but he could let his guard down just a moment here. He was not expected to talk about why he had a guard in the first place. It was good. He barely noticed the extra weight of the blanket before falling asleep.

~

Someone was at the door. 

He could hear the noises of someone breathing slowly, taking their time, thinking about their decision. 

They were not a werewolf. He would have smelt it. Didn’t mean it was not trouble though.

Derek was waiting tensely in front of the door, letting his guest decided if they wanted to knock or bail.

Finally, the rapping sound of a hand on the wood echoed.

He waited for a second or two and opened the door. He was not as surprised as he should have been to see the sheriff at his door, on the welcoming mat one of his beta had chosen.

“Hi” he said awkwardly.

That was it. It was going to end now. Nothing he could say or do would make this moment different.

“Hello Derek”

He was genuinely surprised it had last this long.

“Can I come in?”

Without a word, Derek shifted and let his guest in. He closed the door and waited. The sentence would come soon now.

“Well this is weird” said the sheriff.

He nodded but try to not add anything. Maybe if he was silent long enough, he could disappear before it would start.

“Jesus kid, you look like someone is going to hang you” sighted the newcomer. “I didn’t come here to make you break up with Stiles”

There was a pregnant pause.

“I… what?” 

Derek was so surprised he could even try to voice it. The only thing he could register past it was:

“We are not dating”

The sheriff giggled. GIGGLED! What was going on?

“It’s not the impression you gave last time”

Derek felt his face melt into a horrified wince.

“We are just spending time together” he tried to justify.

But the Sheriff didn’t appear angry; he was smiling with paternal affection. To him. 

“We mostly watched movies” he tried again. Which only make Stiles’ dad smile grow bigger.

“Seems like the definition of date to me” he taunted.

This was horrifying. The last person he wanted to admit it was kind of a date was just in front of him, mocking him. He wished he could disappear. He was mortified.

“Don’t sweat it kiddo. I am really not here to blame you about it.”

“Why are you here then?” he asked more brutally than he should have. 

Damnit, this was the Sheriff, the father of the teenager he was spending most of his time with, not the person he wanted to show the worst of his personality. But the adult stayed unconcerned by his defensive answer. 

“Actually I wanted to ask you something”

Derek braced himself. 

“Well, I probably should have changed first; I am supposed to be off duty after all. I realize the uniform was probably a bit too much though. Anyway, I just wanted to ask if you liked baseball?”

This day was officially the weirdest of his life. 

“What”

“There is a match next Saturday, I was planning on taking some deputy. Kind of a team building thing. You could join if you want.”

Derek could not answer. It was… messed up. What was GOING ON HERE?

“What are your intentions?” he asked suspiciously.

He could not… comprehend what was happening. 

“Not as horrible as you are imaging. It’s just… When was the last time you spend a day with people your own age instead of teenager?”

Derek stayed as impassible as possible. He knew what it looked like from far. He was an adult, surrounded by teenager with lots of personal issues. It was shouting ‘drug dealer’ or worse to any citizen of the town. Being a former person of interest was not helping either.

“That’s what I thought” said the sheriff. “Now, I could ask you about your intention, but I happened to know my son very well. When he say something smell bad it certainly does, and whatever all of you are trying to keep from me is. But he is telling me you are a nice if emotionally constipated guy so I believe him.”

“He did accuse me of murder” countered Derek.

The Sheriff stared at him funnily.

“Actually, Scott did. Stiles just went with it. And for future reference, hiding when innocent is not the best course of action. You realize that?”

This was new. Not the not hiding comment. But the Stiles not accusing him of murder thing. He nodded for good measure. Something was still nagging him.

“It’s a lot of trust you put in a seventeen years old.”

“I did learn my lesson well” answered the sheriff like it was a private joke. He should have realized how weird and un answering it was because he added like in an afterthought. “One day, you should ask what happened to Scott’s father.”

Derek was nothing if not practical. This talk was starting to make less sense than even before.

“What happened to Scott’s father?”

“Let’s not talk about that today. Just… could you think about the game? If only for the lack of drama it would do you some good, to come out, take some air, be seen with adult for a change.”

As awkwardly as he entered, the Sheriff let himself out of the loft.

What the fuck just happened? 

~  
“What happened to Scott’s father.”

He was nervous and a bit annoyed by his day. Stiles stared at him mockingly. It was infuriating.

“Hi Derek, I’m glad to see you too. How are you today?”

“What happened to Scott’s father” Derek repeated relentless. 

He stared at Stiles, sitting calmly in his chair, he was probably interrupting his homework. Jesus, what was he even thinking, Stiles was only seventeen. 

“He left town four years ago. Why?”

Derek started pacing the floor of the teen’s room, mirroring almost perfectly the path Stiles had used their last night.

“Your dad came at the loft today” the older man said with finality. 

“Well that’s awkward” winced Stiles.

He stopped his pacing and watched the human.

“You don’t look surprised” he stated irritably. 

Why was he the only one who was bothered? Why did he have to bear this situation?

“I kinda knew he was plotting something. Wouldn’t have guessed you talked about Scott’s dad though” he shrugged. 

“He said he had learned his lesson with what happened with Scott’s dad when it came to trusting you.”

Stiles’ heartbeat sped up suddenly but his face stayed impassible. He stopped and considered for a moment how the boy looked. Calm, unnaturally calm. The way he acted when he was really bugged by something. Then, like in slow motion he remembered how his father had said it, how tired and sad he had appeared. 

“What happened with Scott’s father?” he asked, more invested now. 

“Nothing” answered Stiles so quickly he didn’t had to listen for his heart to know it was a lie. The teenager turned around and avoided his gaze, pretending to read some text on his screen. 

Derek kneeled next to him, taking a closer look and waited. 

He was ignored for a bunch of minutes but didn’t relent. He could be patient, waiting for Stiles to search for his words. He sure was not reading. 

“It’s none of your business” stated the sheriff’s son. “But Scott’s dad was an asshole, like grade A Asshole.”

Stiles voice was neutral, steeled against any emotion. It pained him to hear that way instead of the lively sound he was used to, even when they were fighting.

“I met Scott when we were 4. It was… instantaneous. Couldn’t separate us, even after school.”

There was a trace of fondness here. Like a sweet memory you can remind yourself endlessly. Derek wished he had some which were not tainted by the bitterness of the fire. 

“Melissa was amused, said she had win a new son at the lottery. Scott’s dad was less… amenable to the idea of having a damaged kid in the household.”

The wolf frowned. Stiles must have noticed because he added:

“I used to stutter then, not being entirely coherent. I always had too much in my mind. Anyway, Rafael, Scott’s dad, was always less friendly when he was home. Just a bit sharper in his answer, just a bit more critical.”

“Just critical enough to call a stuttering kid damaged” completed Derek, trying and failing to not get angry at the thought.

“Yeah, kinda. It went on like that for two years or so. At six I was diagnosed and we tried lots of treatment for my ADHD. Melissa also discovered that Scott had a bad asthma at the same time. It went a bit downhill from there. Nothing really abusive but mean remarks about us being girls, weak, not real boys. Enough to make him a sexist. But he also started to spend less time with Scott, forgetting him at school or even in the supermarket once. That sort of things.”

“What does it have to do with you?” asked Derek. 

“Everything. Because, you see, Rafael was a fed, and he was really charming when he wanted to be. So when he realized he was less than stellar at taking care if son, he started lying about small things. Start saying he hadn’t forgot him at school but that I had call him to tell him Scott was going home with me, that he and Scott had met me and my mom at the supermarket and she had been the one who forgot to take him home.”

“Why didn’t your mom said it was not true?”

Stiles breathed in sharply. He didn’t say a word for a long time.

“Let’s say she was less believable than him at the time.”

Which didn’t answer his question at all. 

“Anyway. The lies got bigger. The consequences too. After Scott was found having an asthma attack when he should have theoretically been with us at home, we were ban from seeing him. Didn’t see Scott for a year and when I came back at school he was different. More reserved. Trying to fit in more with the other boys, he had been accepted in the lacrosse team, don’t ask me how I have actually no idea.”

Derek was determined not to ask about why Stiles had not been there to see how it had happened. It was obvious it had to do with his mother’s condition. 

“Melissa had been really busy with her job and he… kind of hadn’t? Beacon Hills is not exactly the best place for a fed to shine. So he had stayed home to raise Scott and he really didn’t like it. The remarks had become meaner, nothing physical, never. But you can do a lot of damage even without hitting someone. Ask Isaac. Actually don’t it’s kinda messed up.”

“Is it why he fought so much about the bite? About not being normal?” Asked Derek. 

The teenager snorted.

“It’s, like, the bottom of the iceberg yeah. You didn’t help by being your most charming self either.”

“You two just had dig out my dead sister’s body and then claim I was her murderer, I think I was entitled at not being my most charming self”

Stiles stared at him, shoked.

“It’s the first time you mentioned her” he said more and more horrified by what happened then. “I’m sorry”

Derek shrugged.

“Oh my god Derek! It’s not okay!!”

“It’s done now. Finish your story, I would like to know what you did to someone you knew was the culprit instead of just suspecting.”

His knees were starting to hurt badly, and he did want to not think about Laura, but he felt that Stiles needed to have the upper hand on him, that he needed to let it out just for this once. 

“It’s not… I…”

Once again he stopped talking and thought about his words. It was weird in a way. He had always thought previous to that moment that the teenager talked with or without the approval of his brain, always saying whatever he thought at the moment. Now, he was measured, the picture of someone who doesn’t want to say too much. 

“I convinced someone to hack his private and professional e-mail account to see if Scott’s was the only reason he was lying.” He said finally. 

“Spoiler, it was not” he continued quite quickly. 

“So what? You went to your dad with a bunch of email and he left?”

“Haha no. My dad was… not exactly listening to what I had to say at the time. You see, from the very beginning I had been telling him about the lie but he didn’t believe me. So I… Oh boy, there is no way this is going to sound nice. I send the bunch of email to the local newspaper. It went front page for a week. ‘The cop who lied to everyone’, most unimaginative headlines ever if you want my opinion”

The humor was forced, Stiles body was so tensed he didn’t even tried to divert his attention on anything, staring at his hand. 

“Of course, as a fed he sued the paper for defamation, there was an investigation. My hacker was arrested and it kinda started the huge vendetta with his best friend and my best friend. It took the detective in charge two more hours to find out I was the one who had send the intel.”

Stiles cringed, badly.

“Two weeks later he was transferred to nowhere Alabama. We never spoke about him ever again.” 

Derek waited but the story was over. The official story was.

“What happened during those two hours”

The sheriff’s son shrugged.

“I was yelled out a lot. Nothing too bad” he said dismissively. “In the end he was just an asshole. He would not have hurt me. Even as I literally ruined his life. Let me tell you Melissa was not so please with me either. Even if the thing she found out about the guy made her divorce the son of a gun quicker than light.”

“What about Scott?”

The question had taken Stiles by surprise judging by his face.

“What about him?”

“What did he say when he learnt you had ‘ruined his dad life’ as you said?”

The human winced.

“He kinda never knew about it. Melissa and I we talk about it. She thought it was better if he never had to know just how far the situation with his dad had been. I think he kinda suspected what happened, but he never asked and we never volunteered the info. So… there.”

“Four years ago.”

“Yep”

“So the reason your dad is trusting you with me and the whole situation is because the last time he didn’t listen to a fourteen something years old, it end badly. And by badly I mean you were mildly yelled at for ruining someone’s life, who had, by the way ,the opportunity and the motive to kill you.”

“Errh. Yes?”   
There was no fucking way it had happened that way. 

There was no fucking way a man like the Sheriff had taken such a huge leap of faith about every decision of his son about someone ‘s characters based just on this just bad enough to be believable story. 

There was no fucking way the only thing that Scott’s dad had done was yelling at a fourteen years old boy. 

There was no fucking way…

“You are thinking too much” he heard his own words used against him and he couldn’t. He just let all the tension go and crumbled his head against Stiles’ hip. 

“Okay”

He would have time to unfold the whole story.

For now he just needed to breathe in. 

~

“I’m not going to Harvard” he said while putting on the first coat of nail polish.

Lydia stopped reading her book. It was a shame, she had at last reach the chapter about the string theory and calculation. 

“I know”

And it that was a shame also, to see all this brain capacity goes to community college. She let him finish another nail before adding.

“I don’t know why though.”

“I have been accepted to Stanford.”

“Are you?”

He didn’t hide his smile but it was a close thing. 

“I am”

She watched as he added another layer on her right hand.

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“It’s not done yet”

“It’s Stanford” she said like it was an evidence. And it was. This was huge.

He frowned while putting more polish on the brush. 

“It’s not cheap. And Dad is not exactly living high on the hog you know?”

“You could ask for a loan”

“Can’t, he still has at least another ten years to finish the house.”

He said it with such a serene face it made her blood boiled. 

“What about the scholarship grant aid?”

“Would cover most of the tuition but not the rent, nor the books, or even the food.”

“You could work”

“Not if I want to succeed my classes”

She stomped, frustrated by his answers.

“See? This is why I didn’t talk about it. You are more upset because there is nothing you can do to help I have not thought about.”

“Don’t try to convince me you didn’t tell me so I wouldn’t be upset. You just don’t want to deal with your problems.”

He put the last touch on his work and cleaned the brush.

“You being upset is kind of the problem though” he said quietly after a while.

“What?”

“Will you or won’t you spend the next weeks trying to find a way for me to go to Stanford?”

“Of course I will!”

“And if you find a way, will you or won’t you present it to me in a way I won’t be able to refuse?”

“But why would you care if it allows you to go to Stanford?”

He stared at her patiently. 

“That’s my point Lydia, it will nag me again and again until I will not be able to distinguish the truth from my memories. I need to solve it on my own. Because if I really want it, it is essential I have absolutely no doubt about the influences I received.”

Suddenly, she got it. It was stupid. Of course it was stupid but there was finally a reason why he didn’t talk about any thing that matter to him. 

“No man is an island” she quoted, quite annoyed she had not figured it on her own.

“Except I need to know what part of the continent I am” he answered finally.

~


End file.
